BEING A GROWN-UP IN AMERICA

INT. BEDROOM - DAY

MAN SITS UP IN BED AND TALKS TO THE CAMERA.

MAN
Hooray!  Time for another day as a Grown-Up in America!

CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN - DAY

MAN
When you're a grown up in America, you can do whatever you want!  You can:

(the following would be accompanied by HILARIOUS visuals of the MAN doing all the things listed)

-EAT CANDY FOR BREAKFAST

-EAT CANDY FOR LUNCH

-HAVE CONSENSUAL SEX WITH AN ADULT OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER

-WEAR WOMEN'S UNDERGARMENTS TO THE BANK

-START YOUR OWN JUG BAND

MAN
Whew, being a grown up in America sure is tiring.  Don't forget to stop for lunch.

MAN BITES SANDWICH, THEN TAKES THE PART HE BIT OUT OF HIS MOUTH.

MAN
Mmm, that really hits the spot.  Afterwards, you can:

-IMPERSONATE A BARISTA

-WALK A CAT

-EAT CRACKERS IN BED

-MURDER A MAN IN COLD BLOOD

-GO JOGGING

-GET ARRESTED

-GO TO TRIAL FOR MURDERING A MAN IN COLD BLOOD

-GO TO PRISON FOR MURDERING A MAN IN COLD BLOOD

-EAT CANDY IN PRISON

-GROW OLD IN PRISON

-HAVE NON-CONSENSUAL SEX WITH AN IN-MATE OF THE SAME GENDER

You can do it all, when you're a grown up in America.  Well, what are you waiting for? Get to it!

END.