ITALIAN STEREOTYPE IN A HOT AIR BALLOON

EXT. SKY

ITALIAN STEREOTYPE is in a hot air balloon.  He is dressed in an white apron and a chef's hat, and has a big black mustache.

ITALIAN STEREOTYPE
Oh-a my goo-ness, Mamma Mia, I can't believe i'm-a realizin' my dream of traveling around-a the world in-a hot air balloon.  It's-a so beautiful my heart can-a hardly stand it!  Oh, look-a-dis, it's-a the Moroccan desert.  Let-a me take out my telescope to get a closer look.

ITALIAN STEREOTYPE reaches down, pulls out a handful of uncooked spaghetti strands, and looks through it as if it were a telescope.

ITALIAN STEREOTYPE
Holy box of cannoli's, beauty over here, beauty over there, it's almost a-too much for one Italian stereotype, like-a myself, to handle!   This moment couldn't get any better if the ghost of Luciano Pavarotti himself rose from the grave just-a to sing me a rendition of O Solo Mio.  Now that-a would be something else!

A CAT pops out of the hot air balloon basket.

CAT
Meow meow.

ITALIAN STEREOTYPE
What's-a that, a-kitty-cat?  All Italians have-a high blood pressure?  A scientific study proved it?  Guess I better take-a some blood pressure medication.

CAT
MEOW MEOW.

ITALIAN STEREOTYPE
What's that, Kitty cat?

CAT
MEOW MEOW

ITALIAN STEREOTYPE
Ohh Kitty-cat, why you gotta bring up-a my dead wife on this spectacular trip-a?  Don't you know that nothing makes an Italian Stereotype sadder than a-remembering his-a dead-a wife?

ITALIAN STEREOTYPE takes out photo of his dead wife.

ITALIAN STEREOTYPE
OH SOFIA I MISS YOU SO MUCH HERE HAVE SOME-A PASTA FASUL.

ITALIAN STEREOTYPE takes a handful of pasta fasul and shoves it against his dead wife's a-picture.

ITALIAN STEREOTYPE
You like-a that dead Sofia? It was always-a you favorite?

CAT
MEOW MEOW.

ITALIAN STEREOTYPE
What-a you hollerin' about now, Kitty Cat?

CAT
MEOW.

ITALIAN STEREOTYPE
What?  We sinkin'?  How can you-- (ITALIAN STEREOTYPE looks over the edge.)  Oh-a my Goodness you right!  Jesus-a Christ Parmigiana!  I knew I never shoulda made this hot air balloon out of Gnocchi!  Kitty-Cat, if I don't make it outta this alive you can have-a my Gucci handbags, my Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses, and my promotional cardboard cut out of-a Robert DeNiro from Analyze This!

CAT
MEOW.

ITALIAN STEREOTYPE
OK fine, you can also have my promotional cardboard cut out of-a Robert DeNiro from Analyze That!  Now quit bustin' my balls ova here!

The hot air balloon falls into a large green pipe.   ITALIAN STEREOTYPE and CAT come out the other end and land on a lakitu-style cloud (a la Mario Bros).

ITALIAN STEREOTYPE
Holy Rocky Balboa!  See, a-kitty cat?  I told you we'd be alright!

CAT
MEOW.

ITALIAN STEREOTYPE
All right all right, quit Marisa-in' my Tomeis ova here!

A VENUS FLY TRAP emerges from the green pipe and eats ITALIAN STEREOTYPE and CAT.

END.